Speed Racer was a cool arse cartoon. I use to watch it when I was a kid. So a part of me died when I heard they were going to do a live film based on it. And I damn near fainted when I read who was on board to write and direct the script: Andy and Larry Wachowski.

The Wachowski brothers f**ked up the last two Matrix films with one of the most convoluted plots and some of the most ridiculous dialogue that I thought was limited to video games and mangas. V is for Vendetta was a cool film, but there were traces of their overly long, unnecessarily complicated lines of dialogue here and there. I really hope they tone it right the way down for Speed Racer. I don’t want to hear that the reason that Mach 5’s wheel fell off was down to an anomaly and an unbalanced equation that was inherent to the imperfect positioning of the axle or some bullshit like that.

The cast is pretty diverse too. I’m not good with names, so I can’t name them all. But we’ve got that fat man from Roseanne, the crazy red headed bitch from Thelma & Louise, Wednesday from the Addams family, that black man who played Shaft in the original TV show, the Japanese bad guy in the white suit from Rush hour 3, that goody two shoes Doctor from Lost and a male Korean pop star amongst some others who I’ve never heard of before. I think if nothing else, Speed Racer should be some good eye candy – because the race sequences are sure to look awesome with the Wachowski’s at the helm. As with The Matrix they are also pushing the envelope in terms of visual effects, thanks to some new super high definition ultra focus camera thingy…or some shit like that. I hope they don’t kill the coolness of the original Japanese animation. But this is Hollywood we’re dealing with, so of course they probably will. But I’ll still be checking this film out when it releases in May of next year. Hopefully it’ll surprise me and turn out to be awesome. It’d be great if it was.

Official website: Speed Racer: the movie