While Will Wright told the gaming community that, in no uncertain terms, Spore would be  directly responsible for the second coming of Christ, early scores of the game tell a different story: shitsux. In this day and age, a revolutionary landmark title like Spore can’t receive a metaciritc metascore below 85, or else humanity will be thrown into anarchy and chaos. At this point, its metascore is at a dangerous (and unbelievably terrible) 87.

Gamespot employee Somedude McPerson said stores have had a tough time selling the game: “while the pre-order turnout was great, sales dropped way down after the first reviews came out. Soon after that, we weren’t even allowed to carry the game anymore! Since some German douchebag game reviewers said it wasn’t a masterpiece, the FDA has decided Spore might be potentially harmful to consumers, and illegal to sell.” That’s right, Spore is only “pretty good,” which means that besides not being worth anyone’s time to play, it’s also so bad that it might kill you.

Will Wright could not be reached for comment on the issue because he’s currently crying himself to sleep.

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