There are certain phrases in the english language that Japanese people would be hard pressed to find on their textbooks. Not knowing such critical phrases such as ‘I give good head’ and ‘I’m feeling hornier than a bitch on heat’ can seriously handicap a person’s performance in social and business situations. Luckily there’s the One Point English Lessons, created for this very purpose!

In these comic skits, a geisha teaches her boyfriend Toshi some of the more… carnal aspects of the English language. A bunch more on Japan Sugoi and Youtube. Such class!

[Japan Sugoi]

While gaming has always been a weird kind of sensory masturbation, its rarely been so in the traditional sense (unless you count the original Rez Trance Vibrator). Well now a group of San Francisco tinkerers are trying to fix that with the Joydick… I wonder how long it took them to come up with that name.

The Joydick is a wearable haptic device that transform your god-given joystick into the gaming kind. The device attaches to your device and well, just watch the video. Lets just hope you dont game over before the game does.

[SF Media Labs]

Love doll hotels in Japan are becoming more and more ubiquitous everyday. After all, they are cheaper and the dolls are even less socially awkward than dealing with a prostitute. A blooming market for the coy Japanese man out for some lovin’. Regardless of that, there’s just something wrong about the storage rooms at these hotels.

Its morbid and obscene, and inhumane in so many levels. It’s like David Caruso will pop in any second and spend the next 45 minutes hunting down the loneliest man on earth. Only to find out its himself.

[Tokyo Times]

Oh boy those conspiracy theorists  in Japan must be throwing a fit over this new book. Titled ‘Legend Of The Original Antarctic Model: From Dutch Wife to Love Doll, a Post-War History of Sex Dolls‘ it tells the story of the original development of Japanese sex dolls.

According to the author these objects of otaku lust were originally developed to control the desires of work teams dispatched to isolated districts of Japan. What’s even creepier is that the government ‘encouraged‘ the development. And as we all know that can only mean one thing, money.

So there you have it, Japanese sex dolls are a government tool to control the desires of the frustrated, downtrodden masses.In Japan, Oni-chan is watching you.

[Tokyo Times]

Daniel Floyd, a professor at Savannah College of Art and Design, thinks games need more sex. Not your usual kind of gratuitous sexuality in video games, no, but a more mature and coherent treatment of sex and intimacy video games. Professor Floyd believes, as he explains in the video above, that this true maturation of sexuality in games beyond the juvenile will help elevate games to the art-form status they surely deserve. Quite frankly I agree; sure I enjoy scantly dressed video game vixens as much as the next guy, but when it starts getting to Soul Calibur IV levels… something’s gone wrong, horribly wrong.

EDIT: Daniel is not a professor at SCAD, but a student, updated video with some corrections is up.

The pickup school craze of recent years  hasn’t left Japan off the hook. The man above with the bad boy look, Satoshi Fujita, is Japan’s top pickup master. In this wired article, written by Tokyomango’s Lisa Katayama, Mr. Fujita goes into why he started a pickup program, how he used to be just a bald ugly man and now gets all the ladies.

Besides the usual advice about confidence, Mr. Fujita recommends using cheat sheets with key phrases and appears to attribute great powers to his wig, which looks like burned straw. Perhaps Japanese women really love straw, go figure. Its an interesting piece nonetheless, and while I generally disagree with these programs which just tend to churn out douchebags and in the worse case more efficient douchebags, I cant deny that if any of any the world’s outcasts need the help, the otaku do. Let us hear what some of his graduates have to say:

“I lost my virginity six months into the course, and now I can now communicate with women. I’m very grateful.”

God damn, this man might just be the savior of Japan’s plummeting birth rate!

[Wired]

You might have heard about a minor scandal called Hot Coffee last year,  or probably you didn’t since it was so low key, yeah right! Well the big sex-minigame scandal finally comes to an end as Rockstar Games reached a settlement on the class action lawsuit and as a result you, the concerned and psychologically scarred citizen, are entitled to up to $35.00 USD in compensation.

Great that will cover about 15 minutes with any psychiatrist! The lawyers, blessed be their charitable and philanthropic hearts, will only get one million dollars for their services. Can you smell that? No its not the smell of hot coffee, that’s the smell of justice, being burned down to the ground.

[Gaming Steve]

Some times when talking to little kids about difficult, mature subjects such as reproduction, it might be difficult to convey your ideas clearly without feeling like your scarring the child for life. It could happen to you, it could come as a surprise, one minute a kid is playing a pokemon game, the next he’s asking you how a Pikachu is born. You might find yourself at a loss for words, but don’t fret…

A picture, as they say, is worth a thousand words.

Some years ago, more than I care to remember, the Internet suffered a great loss. One of its most iconic products (those you could only get on the Internet, that is) was no more. That was the fate that the legendary Hello Kitty vibrator met. The intertubes wept.

But no more! The good guys at Jlist let us know that the mouthless one is still alive and kicking, or er… vibrating.

The new model is still as colorful, cute and eerily kinky. Comes in 6 colors and goes for $18 USD, everything is right in the Internet once again.

[Jlist]

From the department of fucked up what-if scenarios comes this video  of a Maid football team battling it out with a Dominatrix team on a football match. Only in Japan Ladies and Gents! Maids, the epitome of submission and purity versus Dominas the epitome of aggression and perversion, epic!

Aww, that’s too bad, but for a team of maids they sure know how to dribble.