Do you know what’s sadder than than the fact I’ve been humming the “Super gaijin” song for the past hour and that I wouldn’t mind downloading an instrumental of it? Is that there is a high probability that there are ‘gaijin’ in Japan who do what Super gaijin does in some form, only without the outfit. Super gaijin is not helping the cause for present and future expats in Japan. And the dancing was more offensive than the local guy beat down and the kicking of a guys bento.
Super powered gaijin fail. But a win for the theme song that’s so terrible it’s the best thing ever.
Shinjuku is all about the spending of money. You may be able to have a good time here without doing so. But if you can; then I didn’t get to experience such a thing. Shops are everywhere. Enticing you with their brand spanking shiny new ‘wares, staff who do more than bow and yell “Irrashaimasse!”, and will go out of their way to show you their stores’ latest and greatest. Shinjuku bled me dry. But I had a great time whilst the area killed my finances softly.
While Japan’s birthrate remains frighteningly low for a developed society, previous attempts to spur growth in the bedroom has been met with lackluster results. Now Japanese companies are trying a new approach to correct the curve, a evening off to promote “family time”. It’s still premature to tell if the new campaign is working, but most women’s groups cite the “antiquated maternity policies at both company and state level” and not a lack of interest in sex.
Listed as the definitive guide to Asian poses, aptly named Asianposes.com sets the stage for learning the hardest of poses. As challenges are listed, strike your pose and upload the greatest pics for the world to see…poser weeaboos need not apply.
To be fair and balanced, I’ve thrown a bone for the men and some balls for my ladies. First up , called “Nice Cup in Bra”, Triumph International Japan gives us the meditative relief of a hole in one. The 1.5 meter unfurling grass-green top exposes two cups which chant out “Nice Shot” with each successful putt. Want to complete the outfit and be a foe on the course? The bottom half of this cheeky skirt, emblazoned with “Be Quiet” on the rear, allows for easy removal to be used as an audience flag, signaling others to shush. You mean business.
And for my bros I give you, “Oda Nobunaga”. I know it’s a mouthful and at $100 bucks a pair a bit pricey, but what better way of strolling through your job as a salaryman, sealing the deal with the pride and nobility of the magnificent samurai underneath your power suit.
You know the old saying: The head bone’s connected to the…uh… arm bone? Created by manga artist Shigeru Mizuki, The Yōkai Daizukai is an illustrated guide to the pranksters, winter spirits and all around monsters that exist in the shadows, inhabiting the Japanese countryside. Whenever I see these little creatures they seem strangely reminiscent of Little Monsters.
The day had come. Where we’d say goodbye to the place my friends and I had affectionately referred to as ‘our home’. It’s insane how much of a connection we all felt to Osaka. Especially seeing as many of us felt very little towards the place before we got there. Not that we’d heard anything bad about the place. But we all had this idealistic image in our minds that Tokyo would be the best thing in the world ever, and immediately paled every other place in comparison to it. So we were more than a little surprised that Osaka turned out to be such an amazing place which we did not want to leave.
We were sure to see ‘our home’ out with a bang though. Albeit it an unplanned one. Said bang consisting of: heading to an Irish pub, then to a tiny little bar which was packed to the walls, and then onto to a nightclub to drink and dance our sorrow’s of leaving away. It seemed to do both the trick and make us feel worse. Because the night was so good and we’d met and made so many random friends on this one night, that we were ever more reluctant to leave.
Wednesday 30 September 2009 @ 4:37 pm | By Random J
Whilst wandering around Nipponbashi, my friend and I couldn’t help but notice certain sights every 6 shops or so. At first we thought it couldn’t be. It had to be a ruse. We were goin’ crazy. Surely not on main streets, in broad daylight and clear view of everybody?! But turns out it was so. Porn shops. Lining the streets like any other shop. Unobtrusively. Just there in clear view of everybody who happens to wander past. Some of stores lucky enough to have forward thinking merchandisers even had HDTV’s set up at the front of the store with videos playing of big breasted Japanese ladies skipping, running through sprinklers in slow motion and bending over to music – all in 1080p. My friend and I figured: we’re guys, we are in Japan and people pounding the pavements didn’t seem to care or be objective and judgmental of the sex shops one way or the other – so we wandered into one or two…or three…maybe five. Okay, six!
It truly was surreal. There were other men wandering around in the shops with shopping baskets like they were walking down the aisle of their local Family Mart, which begged the question: How much porn do some buy in one go? I guess buying in bulk saves trips. It was funny watching other men mooch around like they were in HMV. Shop attendants aren’t as helpful as they are in HMV though. These stores are all about anonymity. The store attendants only acknowledge you if you approach them, which is fair enough. I guess no dude wants a store attendant creeping up behind him yelling “Irasshaimase! What kind of DVD are you looking for? We have a buy one get one free on guzzling and bum sex today!” A couple of the stores have till points where a piece of non-transparent plexiglass or a curtain is placed between the cashier and the buyer, so the transactions were faceless. Again, adding to the anonymity, and also killing alibi’s in cases where a husband is buying porn when he should be buying his family that new rice cooker or heated toilet seat instead.
Sex is a weird thing in Japan. It’s still a bit of a taboo subject, yet it isn’t at the same time. But it sure is funny.
Know as the “Ultimate Horror Maze”, the Fuji-Q Highland amusement park in Japan is considered the world’s longest (roughly .6 mile) and scariest zombie-infested horror house. However, organizers temporarily closed the zombie laden labyrinth due to the loss of its scream inducing edge. During the hiatus, a Zombie Boot Camp was developed to hone staff in the proper undead artistry.
So very soon, October will be here and I will get all my cheap thrills dressing up, going to horror houses. It’s cool to see a year ‘round fright fest, too bad it’s a sea away. Also I was expecting to see a little Thriller in the mix.
It’s all well and good visiting Japan and doing the touristy things like visiting shrines, temples, taking pictures of Engrish on sweet wrappers and riding a bullet train. But if like me you like to club it out at home, then you have to do the same in Japan. It’s the law in my eyes. I just had to do it. I needed to know how the Japanese get down.
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