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I feel so dirty. I went and attended a midnight launch for a game. Despite being able to buy it the next day much cheaper at my local supermarket, not being able to play it when I got home anyway and promising myself that I’d never, ever attend a midnight launch again after f’ing and blinding how shitty the official UK Wii launch was. But lo and behold. I found myself at another midnight launch. For another Nintendo product and also on the same street the Wii launch took place. *sighs* I tell ya. The things I do for Nintendo.

When standing in the cold at launch gig you do start to feel a bit peckish. So it’s a good thing Nintendo look after it’s fans and ordered a couple of lovely ladies to strut up and down the queue offering slices of Domino’s pizza. I declined, seeing as I’d been walking all the way along Regent street scoffing down 2 McDonald’s apple pies and was feeling queezy. I overheard somebody behind me say “Why are they handing out pizza?” I’ll do the honors…

[a] Who cares? It’s free food and it’s Domino’s at that. Eat that shit and shut up!
[b] Mario is Italian, Pizza is Italian - connect the dots.

The queue thankfully moved and everyone was back on Oxford street. The queue was snaked all the way into a side street alongside the window of a lingerie shop. Not as sexy as it sounds. Especially when you’re stood amongst a bunch of gamers looking nerdy and sad in clear view of the staff who consist of a bunch of fine women who are probably looking and thinking we’re sad and that we’ve never, ever, ever had pussy. Never, ever and that we will never ever get any. Never ever ever. The queue moving at this point obviously meant gamers were let into the stores and in a matter of several minutes the first buyers of the game emerged, They had all cosplayed as Mario, Luigi and Princess Peach. They walked down the street, stood and lit some cigarettes and strutted down the street. Not long after a young lady cosplayed as Luigi (moustache and all) walked down the street past the queue and bellowed out how she’d got a copy of the game and began brandishing it around. Having seen everybody whip out their phones to snap a picture of her, she kindly walked up to me (aren’t I lucky!) offered to pose for a picture to which I obliged and took one. Luigi has never looked sexier. The moustache was a definitely bringing sexy back.

By now there was a greater sense of commotion and people were walking past wondering why there was such a queue and looking down on us and giving turned up noses and laughs when they found out why. I wasn’t too bothered by it until I was approached. A sexy foreign lady came up to me and asked “Excuze me. Vat arr you vaiting for?” To which I replied “A video game. The new Super Mario video game”. She gave me a bemused look to which I knew I’d have to elaborate. “A new Super Mario video game for the Nintendo Wii”. She then chuckled and replied “Oh, okay. I just vondered vat it vas zat so many people vur queuing for”. She laughed, I then laughed. She laughed again, I laughed. We had a moment. We connected. She kept smiling. I smiled back and then she said “Zank you sir!”, waved and walked off. I stood there thinking “I bet she thinks I’m a sad prick with no life and a small willy”. In that moment I thought my already waning credibility could get no lower if it tried. If my credibility were in a Final Fantasy game it’d have HP 0 and need a Phoenix down.

To entertain us sad folk stood out in the cold there was a window showing a room setup where Mario and Luigi were sat in a little living room playing Super Mario Galaxy and acting fools. It was amusing to watch and everyone had their phones and cameras out to film and snap pictures.

I finally got into the store and the cosplay winner was announced. A young school boy cosplayed as Chain chomp and was made the winner. He got to walk home with a brand new Wii and a copy of Super Mario galaxy for his effort! The costume wasn’t the best made (Lord knows how many bin liners he must’ve went through to make it), but it was very funny and the kid deserved to win on sheer audacity and bravery for having the balls to wear it. Runners up were also announced and treated to a free copy of the game. The runners up were shit. They were just trio of school kids, each of whom wore a red cap with an M, a green cap with an L and a yellow cap with a purple W. That shit is not cosplay, that is called lazy. I didn’t bother wasting my time taking pictures of them. Though in hindsight I should’ve, just to show you all how crap they were. Another kid cosplayed as Link and looked pretty awesome, but he was a year too late. I guess he never got the memo that Twilight princess was released a year ago.

Charles Martinet, the voice of Super Mario was also there to sign stuff, pose in photos with fans and do the obligatory voicemal. If I wasn’t so tired, my buddy wasn’t with me (he was there for moral support, he didn’t buy the game or really care about it) and the queue wasn’t so ridiculously long - I would’ve gotten my copy of Super Mario Galaxy signed by Mr. Martinet. But I really couldn’t be asked to wait. The line for him was way too long. I at least wanted to get a good picture of him, but I couldn’t even get that because people kept getting in the way. I said to my mate not to worry and that I’d just snap a picture of some old grey haired white man on the street and lie and say it’s Charles Martinet on the blog. But he managed to get a good picture of him and bluetooth it to me. What would we do nowadays without camera phones and wireless technology, huh!?

With me finally at the till, tired and ready to leave the store I purchased my copy of Super Mario Galaxy and according to my receipt at precisely 19:03 was the proud owner of the game.

All in all the launch wasn’t bad. It could’ve been better. Alot better. But why put effort into a launch for a game that will sell shit loads any time, any place, any where!? I guess that was Nintendo and GAME’s thinking behind it all. Despite going through all of this to buy the game, I’ve barely played it. You may ask me why I bothered to attend the launch in the first place. Don’t bother. I’m asking myself the same question. I guess the consolation was owning what is probably going to be the hottest platformer ever on Wii a day early and knowing that despite not having played my Wii a great deal over the past year, that I do in fact still love Nintendo. Alongside that, it was a chance to see first hand that Super Mario is just as big as he ever was and that the little fat plumber can still draw the crowds.